Introducing Children to Diversity Early: Opening the Door for Kind, Compassionate Communication
Humans are all different. We come in so many different sizes, shapes, and shades. Some of our differences are immediately visible, while others may not be noticed unless we point them out. We all want our kids to grow up kind, thoughtful, respectful, and inclusive—and the best way to do that is to engage their natural curiosity at a young age.
They Aren’t Too Young
When it comes to talking to children about diversity, many adults' first response is often something like, "But they’re too young to understand" or "If we have that conversation, they might ask me about things I’m not ready to explain." I'm not advocating for throwing kids into adult-level discussions. Rather, I believe in having age-appropriate conversations that acknowledge differences and open the door for healthy, respectful communication.
Several years ago, a friend of one of my nanny kids came over for a playdate. We were coloring self-portraits at the table, and she looked up and asked, “Miss Megan, do you want to know why you are brown and I am white?” When I asked her why, she told me, “Your family comes from a place with a lot of sunshine, and if you get too much sunshine, it will make you sick. So you have more melanin. It's like sunscreen inside you.” While it wasn't a perfect understanding of race, this 6-year-old was able to explain the geographical and scientific reasons some people have more melanin than others. Her explanation was free from any moral judgments—just a simple, factual observation. She understood that too much sun hurts us (hello sunburn!) and that we use sunscreen to protect our skin. My ancestors are from Egypt, where the sun shines almost every day of the year, so my body has more melanin to protect me from getting sick.
When talking to kids, remember—it doesn’t need to be a formal, technical discussion. Use simple language and relate unfamiliar concepts to things they already understand. For example, in the story above, the parents used the word "family" instead of "ancestors" and talked about "sunshine" rather than going into the science of vitamin D poisoning. They also introduced the term "melanin" with an analogy to sunscreen.
Don’t Shy Away From Questions
The questions children ask can sometimes be uncomfortable, but we shouldn’t shy away from them. It's tempting to want to hush kids, especially when they ask questions in public about things like wheelchairs or cochlear implants. However, by doing this, we send the message that these differences are shameful or undesirable. We wouldn’t hush a child who notices someone with beautiful blue eyes or purple hair—so why do we hush them for asking why someone speaks a different language or uses a prosthetic leg?
I developed vitiligo in my 30s. It was a strange experience because I had grown used to seeing myself in a certain way, and then suddenly, I looked different. Vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder that causes patches of skin to lose pigment. One day, another nanny in our community reached out to ask if it was okay for her nanny kid to ask me about vitiligo. Here’s how the conversation went:
Nanny: "[Kiddo] just learned what vitiligo is and would like to know how it makes you feel to have it. Is that okay to ask?"
Me: "Of course it is! Sometimes I feel a little worried when people see my spots for the first time, and they might think I'm sick or that my spots can hop off me onto them. I feel sad sometimes when people say unkind things about my skin. But most of the time, I feel peaceful about it because my spots are just one of the unique things that make me who I am. Some of my favorite people have spots just like mine!"
Nanny: "[Kiddo] says they don’t think your spots will get on them and they think you are beautiful! They want to know if they hurt you?"
Me: "No, they don’t hurt at all. I can't even feel them. Sometimes, if I get a cut or scrape, it can turn into a new spot later."
The next time we met for a playdate, this little friend asked if they could feel my spots to see for themselves that they didn’t hurt me. This interaction was incredibly soothing for me. The child approached me with innocent curiosity and empathy. Had their nanny tried to hush them, I would have felt more “othered” and isolated. Instead, I felt seen, valued, and loved. This child was given the chance to learn about our differences in a way that fostered empathy, compassion, and understanding. Isn’t that what we want for our children when they meet someone different from them?
Seek Out Immersive Opportunities
Children learn a lot through real-world experiences. Take them to an all-abilities playground with ramps for wheelchairs, listen to music in another language, or visit cultural festivals. Expose them to different cultures, abilities, and experiences so that they can ask questions in a guided environment. Sure, it may put you on the spot to answer those uncomfortable questions, but it also gives you the opportunity to normalize differences and show them how to approach others with respect and curiosity.
One summer, we had a friend who was non-verbal and on the autism spectrum join us for playdates. My kids were initially hesitant—they didn’t understand why their friend didn’t speak or handle emotions the same way. But this became an opportunity for me to explain that their friend's brain works a little differently and that we could find other ways to communicate. Over the course of the summer, the kids learned to understand our friend's unique needs and limitations. When they met new children on the autism spectrum later, their first response wasn’t hesitation—it was acceptance.
Hit The Books
One of the best ways to start conversations about diversity and inclusion is through reading. Books open up new worlds, ideas, and perspectives. If you’re unsure about how to approach sensitive topics, books can be a helpful tool to guide the conversation.
Our Recommended Reading List:
A is for All the Things You Are – Anna Forgerson Hindley (opens up conversation about inclusion and identity)
We All Belong: A Children’s Book About Diversity, Race, and Empathy – Nathalie Goss (focuses on respect and empathy)
Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race – Megan Madison (early discussion of race)
Antiracist Baby – Ibram X. Kendi (introduces antiracism and equality)
We’re Different, We’re The Same, And We’re Wonderful – Bobbi Kates (Sesame Street introduces diversity)
The Arabic Quilt: An Immigrant Story – Aya Khalil (teaches empathy for immigrants)
I Is For Immigrants – Selina Alko (celebrates cultural diversity)
Say Hello! – Rachel Isadora (teaches about language diversity)
Eyes That Kiss In The Corners – Joanna Ho (celebrates self-acceptance and Asian-American identity)
A Friend Like You – Frank Murphy and Charnaie Gordon (diversity in friendship)
Bodies Are Cool – Tylder Feder (normalizes different body types)
Every Body Is Different – Miriam Moore-Keish (celebrates diversity in bodies)
Included – Jayneen Sanders (focuses on differing abilities and inclusion)
A Boy Like You – Frank Murphy (encourages emotional maturity and breaks down toxic masculinity)
Just Ask! Be Different, Be Brave, Be You – Sonia Sotomayor (promotes curiosity and understanding)
Conclusion:
The reality is that if you don’t actively engage in conversations about the differences your child will inevitably notice, they will turn to other sources to fill in the gaps. It’s crucial that we take an active role in teaching our children about diversity, inclusion, and empathy. By normalizing the presence of all kinds of people, we ensure that when our children meet someone new who looks, speaks, or lives differently, they approach that interaction with a foundational principle: All people are valuable.
Let’s not leave it to chance. When we take an active role in showing our kids what inclusion, respect, empathy, and compassion look like, we give them the tools to create a world where every person is valued and every difference is celebrated.
