Self Advocacy: No One Will Advocate For You, But You
When working privately in homes, you don’t get the privilege of having an HR department to complain to when you have a mismatch of expectations on the job, when your contract isn’t being followed, when your benefits are withheld, when… when… when…
Instead you have yourself.
You might meet other nannies who will point you towards resources or talk you through negotiating your employment contract, and you might work with an agency that takes the time to educate families on industry standards and pitch you in the best possible light. But at the end of the day, the buck stops with you. So what does it look like to advocate for yourself as a nanny?
Facts Are Your Friends
Whether you are looking for a new job, negotiating a Nanny Family Work Agreement, requesting a raise, holding the line on a professional boundary, or addressing a conflict in your workplace - the first step to self-advocacy is having a clear and comprehensive understanding of what you want, what is fair, and what is possible. That means that you aren’t addressing issues off the cuff. Step back. Take a deep breath. Seek counsel. Compile your thoughts. Then revisit the issue.
Emotions often cloud our judgment when we feel taken advantage of, disrespected, or unheard. Take the time to regulate your emotions before entering into a discussion or negotiation and then present facts over feelings.
What facts are useful?
The Law - The most important fact is what is legal and fair. This is especially important when looking for a new position and negotiating a Nanny Family Work Agreement. Always advocate for - and only accept positions that - are willing to follow employment laws such as legal pay, proper tax withholdings, and mileage reimbursement.
Industry Standards - It is also important to be aware of what are industry standards for the nanny market. Industry standards include:
Guaranteed Hours
2 Weeks of PTO
Sick Time
Paid Holidays
Living Wages
Contract or Nanny Family Work Agreement
Agreements - If you have already accepted a position and have a Nanny Family Work Agreement and are advocating for yourself in light of a breach of an agreement that has already been made - then it is important to point to exactly what the agreement was, how it is being broken, and what moving forward should look like. Don’t be afraid to pull out your contract and highlight sections to make sure they are being upheld.
Know Your Worth
In order to effectively advocate for yourself you need to do an accurate assessment of your value - experience, education, skills, and role requirements. If you enter into a negotiation with an inflated sense of self, you are likely to wind up disappointed if you aren’t rejected right off the bat. If you enter into a negotiation lacking confidence and not sure of your value, you are likely to find yourself looking at a one-sided deal that isn’t in your favor.
So how do you assess your value?
Know Your Market - what is the going rate for a nanny in your area? What is the cost of living like? What makes sense on the East Coast is vastly different from what is the norm in the Midwest, and each city has its own unique market and nuances. Make sure your expectations for pay, benefits, and job requirements are in line with your market.
Assess Your Experience - experience is an amazing thing that is constantly growing. Every year your experience gets a birthday that adds to your overall value as a caregiver. But don’t only consider years of experience, also consider kinds of experience…
Do you have experience with multiples?
Do you have experience with newborns? Toddlers? Preschoolers? Etc…
Do you have experience with children with special needs?
Do you have experience with children with behavior difficulties?
Do you have experience with overnights? Travel?
Highlight Your Education - Experience is great but it isn’t enough to break through the wage cap on nannies. There comes a point when a nanny maxes out how much they can make based on experience alone. Nannies are career professionals and should treat childcare like any professional in their field – getting trained, staying up to date on training, and utilizing education to climb the ladder of providing better care and receiving better benefits.
Specialized Skills - Do you have specialized skills or training that better qualify you for your role?
Are you bilingual and teach your nanny kiddos a new language?
Are you certified in car seat safety?
Do you teach swim lessons or have lifeguarding experience?
Are you a whiz at potty training?
Are you a master of sleep training?
Did you go to culinary school and now you cook meals for your nanny family?
Role Requirements - Be clear about what your job description is, what ways your role has grown and changed, what special skills you bring to the table, and what tasks you are actually handling.
Negotiate On Equal Footing
Don’t enter into a negotiation desperate. There are seasons where the job market is dry and you feel like you have been on the search for a needle-in-a-haystack position forever. It can be tempting to agree to anything just to get the job and get off the market. Instead, remember that you are interviewing families as much as they are interviewing you. A good match is only a good match when it is good for everyone involved.
In order to provide the highest quality of care to children we need to be aligned with the family values, on board with the parenting and discipline philosophies, and feel valued and respected. Jumping into a position that is a shoddy fit leads to burn out, high turnover, and a resume that begins to lose its edge. After all - families and agencies look for nannies who have long term positions and amazing references.
Instead, set yourself up for success by clearly defining your boundaries ahead of time. What tasks and roles are you willing to take on? Which ones are absolutely off the table? What kind of work environment are you comfortable working in? What wages and benefits are appropriate based on your education and experience? What are your dealbreakers for a position? Knowing what you are looking for allows you to advocate from equal footing rather than just agreeing to the first thing that is offered.
Get It In Writing
The most important step in self-advocacy is getting it in writing. You can research and gather your thoughts, have an incredible discussion, and come to any number of agreements – but if you don’t get it in writing you don’t have it. Take the time to get a Nanny Family Work Agreement (or Nanny Contract) that clearly defines roles, expectations, and agreed upon terms. Having a written record eliminates the question of what was said so that when someone says “I don’t remember that…” you can highlight it to jog their memory. And because this document is going to be the guide rails of your employment it needs to be comprehensive, specific, and fair.
Comprehensive: Make sure you take the time to address all of the eventualities, not just the basics that you need right now. This document should cover everything from pay rate to overtime, schedules and availability, sick policy, vacation and benefits, notice periods and severance, roles and responsibilities and everything in between.
Specific: Vague language is dangerous language. “Light Household Chores” can mean anything from sweeping the kitchen to deep cleaning the garage and cleaning the gutters (ask me how I know…). So instead of trapping yourself in a vague clause that means one thing to you and another to your bosses, commit to being specific. What tasks will you do and at what frequency? You can build in flexibility while still being specific - you need to make sure to build boundaries and parameters. For example – Your nanny family needs flexible scheduling but you need to know when you are working so set firm boundaries about when and how you receive your schedule. “The Nanny may need to work additional early morning hours between the hours of 6am-8am Monday-Friday on occasion. These additional hours will be scheduled in writing one month in advance. If requested with less than 30 days notice the Nanny will have the option to refuse the schedule change and finding alternate coverage will be the responsibility of the Family.”
Fair: Your agreement should represent the values and interests of both parties equally. Having a Work Agreement is designed to ensure that everyone is on the same page and everyone is protected. Don’t sign an agreement that doesn’t have protections for you built in - for example a schedule that requires absolute flexibility from you but inadequate guaranteed hours and notice periods from the family. And don’t create an agreement that doesn’t protect and honor the family’s interests.
Balance Advocacy with Adaptability
Lastly, we need to balance our self-advocacy with adaptability. Something I see all too often in the nanny world is a hard lean into the extremes. Either we become so focused on advocating for ourselves that we become rigid and inflexible or we are so focused on being accommodating that we blur professional lines and leave our boundaries in tatters.
Becoming too rigid in a role is a quick way to find yourself back on the nanny market, and possibly without that coveted recommendation letter you were hoping for. Sure, you made sure that nobody took advantage of you, but you also lost the plot. Nannying is a luxury childcare service and it requires a high level of adaptability. While you should be able to count on professional treatment - guaranteed hours, prompt payment, access to your PTO, ability to take a sick day - and your role and expectations should be clearly defined without excessive job creep… you also should recognize that nannying is personal, not robotic, and that families are not static - your role should grow and change with your family’s needs. That might mean that:
If your nanny family asks you to drop a package at the post office that you pass by on your way to school drop-offs once in a while… you smile and grab the package. Maybe it isn’t part of your job description but it probably takes you less than 5 minutes.
If your nanny family forgets their dishes in the sink from the weekend because they were all fighting a nasty cold and they’re finally back on their feet… you ask them how they are all feeling while you load the dishwasher on Monday morning.
If your boss calls you 15 minutes before you are supposed to leave for the evening and lets you know they got a flat tire on the way home and they are waiting for Triple A… you assure them that you will get the kids dinner and it’s no problem.
If the kids start going to school and you have large periods of time child-free but your nanny family knows you need to stay on full-time and so they ask you to take on more household chores… you ask them to sit down and talk through your new responsibilities and update your contract to make sure everyone is on the same page.
Nannying is a give and take. Being flexible is one of the best ways to ensure longevity in a nanny position. If families know that you will work with them as their needs change and as situations arise, they are more likely to find ways to accommodate you as time goes on. But what happens when flexibility is a one-way-street? Burnout and dissatisfaction. When you notice that the additional tasks are becoming the norm instead of the exception, that your bosses rigidly uphold boundaries that they routinely break, and/or that thoughtfulness and respect seem to be an afterthought in your work environment it is time to stop and reassess.
If your paycheck is late by one day the week your nanny family leaves the country for a vacation - it was probably an accident. After all, they apologized profusely and corrected the mistake promptly. If your paycheck starts rolling in 2-3 days late every other week and you have to remind your bosses to submit your hours at midnight every Friday - it’s no longer an accident it just isn’t a priority. Now is the time to implement a late payment policy.
If your nanny family comes home 5 minutes late because of an accident on their route - it was probably out of their control. If your nanny family starts texting you 15 minutes after you were supposed to clock out letting you know they are “on their way” and expects you to be fine with their tardiness but gives you a verbal warning when you walk in the door at 8:01 because your car wouldn’t start – it’s time to set a boundary that they need to be on time to relieve you.
You might feel like letting things slide is doing what is best for your nanny kiddos and benefitting your nanny family. Occasionally that might be true… but when you start to feel taken advantage of and dread going in to work in the morning you carry that stress and frustration into all of your interactions in the household - you are more likely to snap at your kids for making mistakes, more likely to grumble and complain about daily tasks, more likely to emotionally disconnect. Ultimately, you are more likely to burn out and leave the position - and that isn’t what’s best for anybody.
When working privately in homes, you don’t get the privilege of an HR department - so it is time to start practicing speaking up for yourself, defining and upholding boundaries, and instituting a work environment built on mutual respect. If you start there and build a strong nanny contract, then it is much easier to be flexible without cracking the foundations of your work agreement.
